August’s Great Ace Club’s Book

It is a mystery! No, really. This month is a detective story, from not one, but two featured authors. Please welcome Katey Hawthorne and Jenna Rose. They are authors of Kanaan and Tilney Investigations. The third book in the series will be released Aug 28th, and to celebrate we are working together to give you the first ebook in the series!

About The Case of the Arms Dealers

John Tilney—praeternatural pyrokinetic and mystery author—has noticed the bottom dropping out of the market for his usual gothic fare, so he goes to Lowell Kanaan, PI, for a crash course in noir. Lowell, a cranky wolf-shifter detective, isn’t sure why he agrees to let John shadow him, though it might have something to do with John’s weirdly endearing honesty…and pretty lips. John thinks he’s found the perfect detective novel hero in Lowell, but it isn’t long before he realizes he doesn’t want Lowell for his book, but for himself.

As they become entangled in a supernatural whodunnit involving the Zombie Mafia, black market body parts, and shady insurance deals, their partnership grows closer—and hotter. But when it comes down to the wire, Lowell’s wolfish protective side threatens to drive John around the bend, or at least out of the office. Good thing John’s as much sunshine as he is fire; hopefully it’s enough to help them catch a murderer before they end up in literal pieces, too.

John Tilney is a biromantic ace, just like one of the authors! 😀

Be sure to sign up at for our email listing at GreatAce.Club before release day to get it!

Looking back at the 10 Year Anniversary of the Asexual Flag!

Asexual Pride Flag – Pride Basics

A few days ago, on June 30th the asexual flag hit it’s 10 year anniversary. It was made by community polling and design scouring then more rounds of discussion on AVEN. Not by, on the website in a really collaborative way. You can see a more complete history collected by Asexuality Archive which comes into more detail about why the flag is the way it is.

You also my or my not know each stripe was given a meaning.

  • Black:  Asexuality
  • Grey: Grey-Asexuality and Demisexuality
  • *White: Non-asexual partners and allies
  • Purple: Community

*Over the past at least two years people have said, ‘hey we are no longer mostly on AVEN and our direction isn’t so ally focused maybe we should change the white’s meaning.’ Common suggestions include romantic variation, to other white means the sum of all colors so the white stripe should reference some other diversity within. Which would help tie it to the aro flag more, and the trans’ white stripe.

With that preface, I want to talk about where the purple came from. Which is actually a really cool story I have never heard before in my 7-8 years of being in the community.

Before 2010, ace symbols included shades of grey gradient. AVEN’s logo is a prism for that reason. The demisexual’s flag is also reference a prism. But, I never knew why purple was added into the mix. Never even thought of it.

The story goes purple was a 2001 addition. Specially choosing the amethyst crystal shade for it’s relationship to the Greek (or French Poet 1528 – 1578) story that mentions a nymph named Amethyst (or Amethystas). In it, Dionysus was hitting on her and she wasn’t into it so Artemis helped protect the nymph by turning her into white quartz. Dionysus then showed he made a mistake and poured wine over the amethyst stone, staining it purple.

Here’s some art from a different version of the story, where Dio was less hitting on her, and more accidentally on purpose angry with her, risking a mortals life via threat of tiger. It ends with Dio crying wine in remorse turning the stone purple.

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As you can see above a white to purple gradient appears. Whatever the original version of the story the heart of it is: Artemis saved someone from harm and the person who caused the harm realized their grave mistake. 

The dating of the story is debating because it’s thought in Greek/Roman times, wine goblets were carved out of Amethyst to protect royalty from getting too drunk and making fools of themselves in the same way Dionysus had before them. 

Which not only makes my pagan heart happy to know forever now know the ace shade of purple has Artemis meaning, but also how that shade of purple meant that people were reminded to ‘not make the mistakes of the past and make fools of ourselves that harm people who aren’t interested.’ 

Which in a strange way makes me like that the pesky white stripe could be an ode to allies (ace or not) protecting aces. Because no matter where the story came from isn’t it such a timeless, thought out, over arching connection that goes back far more than just the 10 years of the asexual flag itself?

Asexuality history goes back so much further than just that flag. The easiest I know of is from a translated Sappho poem.

There’s so much even recent ace history that has been saved for us thanks to aces, thanks to projects like The Wayback Machine, thanks to how threads work, how google works. I know it’s technology, but it can be pretty magical if you have a curiosity to learn. It’s a gift we mustn’t ever lose to a click bait nature of social media today.

As Sappho also said, “Someone, I tell you, in another time will remember us.”

Ace Day History Through My Eyes

Hi! My name is Rose and in 2013 I founded the FuckYeahAsexual blog. Two years later, The Asexuality Blog and I created Ace Day!
It’s a cheerful, digital event that focuses on celebration of self and the whole asexual spectrum.
Some day in April 2015, I was asked to help with Ace Day. There was some raised concern about its proximity to 2015’s Blackout Day (a tumblr event of selfies) and Trans Day of Visibility both of which probably did have an influence The Asexuality’s Blog’s (TAB) desire to make an event for aces. Personally I was just asked thing? And I was like wooo thing! You see, everyone on tumblr was trying to make new things to celebrate and find a way to have a moment. Twitter still does this, but tumblr doesn’t anymore really. Anyways, Ace Day wasn’t themed off Blackout Day, but I can’t deny the repeated word usage between Ace Visibility Day and TDoV. A solution to which I pretty such said, ‘Ace Day works better anyways. Let’s go with that instead’. The event was also never meant to be a selfie only event. Sure they were totally encouraged, and were popular way to celebrate the day in 2015. (Tumblr doesn’t do selfies a lot anymore, even though lgbtq selfies are now a weekly Twitter thing, but I digress.)
It’s important to note, if TAB and I had to make a choice and were torn between us on something I’d make my point but deferred to her since it was her idea first. (This didn’t happen on anything important until later.)
The date of Ace Day was an issue from the start. And continues to be an issue to this day. In 2015, largely aphobes, but also some good people very early on were roughly like “Hey, this is so close to other stuff it’s getting distracting. Let’s move it.” We both agreed that time.
So I ran a poll with the most common suggestions of new days. It was a strawpoll so people on tumblr, twitter, and elsewhere could take part. 5200+ people voted, 2100~ people picked ‘May the 8th. (May The Ace)’. It’s the only time it was put up to a clear, correct, and multicommunity wide vote.
In 2015, I wrote a lot about why the asexual community deserved a pride focused day in the first place. Pointed out there shouldn’t be restrictions to when, where, and how pride is shown. That some ace events should be reserved for us, instead of actively working on allo awareness that day. I also made it clear on which day I thought was best (I wanted a front half of the year day away from other pride events and I loved the word play of “May the ace be proud”. Also pointed out that people did not want aces to celebrate at all so no matter what we did or what day we picked there would be a pushback. (Which isn’t an ace specific problem either.)
During the following months, TAB and I, decided to put an Art Book together because so many people drew things specifically for the 2015’s Ace Day. It had also been first time I remember anything ace focused trending on Tumblr. TAB did the legwork of buying our Creative Aces domain, and I contacted all the artists, formatted, published what turned into the first ever asexual art book, What You See. It released in October 2015 during Asexual Awareness Week as a throwback to everyone’s celebrations in May.
TAB around this time, after getting more criticism largely about the date, tells me she wants to move it to November. I told her that was silly given she had agreed with general consensus of everyone, and extra silly seeing as the art book was already done and mentions the celebration earlier that year. But in the end, she wanted to move it to November. I don’t have the message anymore but it was clear she was run down with people still trying to pick a new day and she thought people would allow the ace community “international cake day”. Yet, that caused its own problems being so close to the American Thanksgiving and some people not liking the further associations with cake memes. (Which is totally unfair.) I basically told her something like “okay, do what you want. November is really bad for me, I won’t be able to participate much at all.”
Ace Day personally went pretty dormant after that. It didn’t trend, but that wasn’t the importance or goal of the day anyways. Any really fond memories with other dates are wonderful, just not a history I have to share with you. To me it felt like how someone celebrates International Something-You-Like Day. You remember it only days before, or even the day of, and you cheer for a bit then move on.
5 years later, its now early May 2020. An active aro ace on twitter tweets me saying “May 8th Ace Day?” and AVEN cheers them on. So I basically reply “Awesome! My favorite day for it! Here’s all the fun things I did in 2015 with the “May the ace” slogans, the call for “No pride restrictions”, and mentioned the card suit selfies. And that joy further sparks wide participation. There’s whole threads I wrote about what that original date meant to me, and the now 5 year old history I was personally there for.
If you never saw The Asexuality Blog running, it’s heartbreaking to say TAB is gone. Has been for a bit now. It broke my heart when she vanished, and so when people came to me on their own, like “Hey the 8th?” I thought if anyone is in charge of this thing TAB and I did, it’s me. I’m the only one left. To make an overly dramatic metaphor it was like our baby was now abandoned and I decided to take care of it the way I knew how. By returning to the heart and origin of the Ace Day. It was heartfelt, and a historical touch point of aces of 5 years ago to aces now.
Things went pretty off the rails shortly after again. Because there’s a history of undermining the community works of tumblr aces. Things are willfully misrepresented, out right ignored, or deliberately underminded. Worse to me is when aces do it to each other.
For an aged example, it happened when AVEN broke a 4 month radio silence earlier in 2015 to roughly say “Eh ignore those other aces, you can share our A.” A statement that did nothing since days later, GLADD released an apology to the asexual, aromantic, and agender community and followed through with remembering a-spec inclusion that reshaped media representation for years. Point being? Similar is happening again.
I felt as if Tumblr aces were being sold out for hypothetical future allosexual acceptance of us, when Ace Day was always meant to be by us and for us. I think that’s why it trended on Tumblr in 2015, and trended on Twitter in 2020. It never needed media attraction. Was never about allosexuals doing something that day. It was about self love, and love of the whole asexual spectrum.
If you really want a deep dive, you can view the blog’s history on Ace Day here: fuckyeahasexual.tumblr.com/tagged/aceday or use the archive feature and sort by date here: fuckyeahasexual.tumblr.com/archive.
Yeah, those are both tumblr links. And I will never apologize for that. Because “tumblr aces” were the ones who had articles written about how they were piecing together historically lost ace history, the ones who made GLADD show up big time, had Big 5 books published staring the very same “tumblr aces.”
Activists there get belittled at every turn. Making fun and shunning people from tumblr as a whole has always been about attacking the ones most vulnerable in a fight about respectability politics. It’s targets are largely the trans community and really anyone who breaks a binary.
I think a lot these days about a line from a TAB Ace Day Post in 2015. It read: “We can all be infinitely visible” and got choked up when I first saw it again 5 years later. Nearly just another line, another post, that would have been lost to history forever if not for tumblr’s reblog style of blogging. The days after this years Ace Day was a floodlight on of how easy history is forgotten if no one looks in places that are new to them. How eagerly context is stripped away to replace it with whatever someone else wants.
I often think about all of the other activists that said it was too hard, unsafe, financially, or just emotionally unfeasible to continue. So they become quiet. There are wonderfully clever and effective aces who are activists that refuse to touch the community because of subtweeting nature of things. I want the community to be safer, I want it to love itself.
On the blog three of us are disabled and the amount of “Oh, do you need help to get more attention?” ever since we’ve spoken more about being disabled blew my mind. I’ve always leaned towards online activism (another dismissed and mocked tactic) because it’s more sustainable for me, and encouraged people to do the same for them.
Ace Day wasn’t ever about seeking allo attention like it’s going to bring our One True and Only source of liberation. It’s goal was to help teach yourself and be an example for aces around you now how to grow your own self love and celebrate the differences in even the seemingly the same so aces may have a stronger future.

Press Start Release Day!!

I’m so excited to bring you my cute book full of queer people having fun and being silly!!

If you preordered the ebook, unfortunately you’ll have to order it again do to an amazon error. But everything is good to go now for both ebook and paperback versions on Amazon or GreatAce.Club!

Haven’t heard about Press Start? Now is a great time for this fun, low stress read about a group of friends bonding over video games.

Blurb: A new app has turned the whole world into an augmented playground. By reinventing retro party games, HoloHeroes makes sure it has something for every player. However, Loren worries she’s been missing out. The death of her father and a move across the country makes it feel as though she has to start life over. As a sweet sixteen gift, Loren’s given Ghost Glasses, allowing her to be her own HoloHero. Local meetups serve as a jumping-off point to make new friends, find herself, and win cash prizes. But what started as casual fun turns into an accidental rivalry with a veteran champion of the game and a race towards the national stage.

So are you ready to —

Growing Up Ace: First Lessons In Transaction Sexuality

I’d be willing to wager that phrasing makes you think of sex work, and while that is one type of transaction, it’s definitely not the first I learned. The first example of this for me was in the animated Aladdin. I can still picture Jasmine in the red outfit, flipping a switching and beaconing the bad guy with a come hither tone of voice.

That is my first memory knowing that sexuality, particularly women’s asexuality, was something that was not so much felt, but offered. The next time I saw this type of behavior was a Stargate SG-1 episode where the men were chemically seduced by Hathor. The women were locked up since they are unable to be controlled in this fashion, hick up their shirts and get their flirt on with the male guards.

Science fiction is a common offender of this trope, which says fair reaching things about the assumed submission of women to men, and how men are slaves to their urges.

But today, I’d like to highlight how these examples teach aces that sexual behavior is something offered in exchange for something. This is a wildly dangerous situation when aces date simply because a friend is needed, or when aces have sex because protection is wanted. These events are at times consensual, but are transactional in a less obvious way than sex work.

For aces in particular, depictions of Jasmine’s red outfit inspired sexuality, or Stargate’s flirt ploy, can dangerously misinform aces about how to navigate the topic. Women’s sexuality is displayed as a weapon towards men, and one that far to easily can turned against us. A weapon not of our own consumption, and not for our own empowerment.

And without feeling earnest sexual attraction we have less of a chance to make course corrections into situations that make us feel respected.

While this article does not paint a complete picture of all the reasons aces might have sex, but it does ask for a growing awareness that the behavior of aces, and many other groups, are the result of simply trying to survive in a world where compulsory sexuality and amatonormaity are demanded.

And acknowledgment that aces face this, that women face this, that anyone may face this, might be able to keep our sexualities from feeling as if they were for sale to the hetro-patriarchy.

The Law of Attraction

How looking at the spilt attraction model can better help people understand SAM and Non-SAM people.

There is a long standing tug of where between groups over where aros fit, and has it’s own set of purity politics that follow. This article is not gossip explaining interpersonal community friction, at its core more queer theory specially on how a-spec communities organize.

I think all this tension, and often infighting, is the product of being upset with intersectionality. I personally find asexuality and aromantism’s twin like behavior and shared history a boon. It’s a ven diagram, that as far as I can tell, skews ace. And no other community probably overindexes aces as much as the aromantic one. Which creates a tension of ‘why can’t we have our own things’ as it does equally ‘why aren’t aro aces doing more for aros specifically.’ Mind you, I think the second is unfair. But the point I’m trying to make goes as follows.

I was listening to this philosopher and he said that humans often dissect to understand concepts. Spitting things apart, and apart, until you reach the atom. And then say aha an atom, the smallest thing, from the word which means cannot be spilit! And then, oh dear… we split the atom. Now there’s protons, neutrons, electrons, and then maybe there’s more things in there too, and hey what’s this quark I keep hearing about? And these dissections makes the world more complicated. You see this all the time as a complaint about the a-spec community. Why new words, why spilit attraction model, and so on.

Going back to our example, well maybe you were looking to heal what ails you and now people are talking about things on a cellular level. And don’t get me wrong, that sort of understanding is a net gain for doctors to help you. But the lgbtq communities whose sole goal is “people should be allowed to be who they are without limitation” makes such exact concepts on how to do that more complex. Now that’s as true for a-specs as anyone else.

But I feel like for a-spec people, some want to just pull an proton out without realizing the electromagnetic force that keeps the neutron nearby. And I find it deeply ironic that communities based on the acceptance over the lack of strong attraction, have trouble viewing two separate things, that often times share in lived history, share experiences, and by the changing of language which spilit a previous understanding of asexuality further to help make sure aromanticsm was not forgotten, do have an electromagnetic-like attraction to each other.

And honestly? That spilt and pull towards each other is not unique to asexuality. This division to better see the communities parts, to further explain them in English this has been going on for a century now. While it is important to learn through the dissection of human sexuality, we mustn’t forget its compilated because humans make it so. This means it’s natural state isn’t compilated at all. It just is, like the grass just grows.

#BelieveAces Part 3: On asexuality, abuse, and gender

Final thoughts for the #BelieveAces series:

I was talking with someone the other day, and we were having a very frank conversation about the abuse we faced in life. Awful things that got us targeted because we were both asexual. And this person kept saying things like, “you’re a girl, you get it”. A bunch of times. And this article holds no ill will or blame because I didn’t correct them for it. For a curious reason I’d like to explain.

Now this is based on my personal interactions with cis women. Trans people have every right to completely halt a conversation until they are properly seen. For me, I’ll sometimes allow it because these situations always show my ever fraying connection to “womanhood”, whatever that means. And makes me realize that whatever it does mean, I don’t feel it in such a literal way.

Interactions where I can nod along and agree to “I was targeted by men because I am asexual.” Are common. Let me say that first. They are so jarringly common that opening our ask box can be triggering. But the point I want to make is times when I am able to nod along, and say this is shared abuse because we were seen as women who were unavailable. That’s really the only connection to womanhood I do feel. But trauma bonding is not gender.

So often bigots want to excuse abuse faced by asexuals as simply the abuse of women, and it’s such a dismissive thing because multiple genders are being ignored. My ability to say “Being asexual made me a target” is honestly the only detail I like sharing. And by hearing cis women say the same thing is validating in a way. I get told often that any aggression I face is misdirected. But by listening to others stories reaffirms my own ability to clearly describe my own experiences and what caused it.

As a society we don’t listen to abuse victims, and when it comes to aces even less so. Same with trans stories. Because identity is treated as an excuse for detractors, not a factor. My assumed in-availability towards sexually entitled men connects me to women, and connects me to lesbians, and connects me to aces of all genders. 

While we all should be more aware not to assume gender of those we are talking too, I don’t really find this empathic reaction as a complete failure. Instead it should be a reminder that we are all people. All living in this society that only views us as binary and straight. 

– Roses from a digital typewriter

The Address of Your Soul

In this short article, I’ll explain how looking at LGBTQ+ labeling as addresses is a really good way to not forget that “micro-labeling’s” focus on intersectionality is not only completely normal but actually a healthy thing. 

I’ve always loved the term intersectionality. I think it’s a brilliant word that gives you a visual right off the bat. It was coined black feminist scholar Kimberlé Williams Crenshaw in 1989.

“Stay in your lane” also fits this instantly understandable visual. While to me it sounds like AAVE, the earliest date for the metaphor from 1972 and largely something football players would hear from coaches to remind them to focus on their own task on the field. In recent years, it means to stick to your area of expertise.

Sports metaphors and black feminist theory don’t often overlap. But we can take these visuals metaphor further to explain a large number of problems I see daily in the queer community.

Mircolabels vs Umbrella terms

Often times people feel they have to choose between the two and if they pick an umbrella term it’s either a lie or holding something back. But we‘d all be much better served by looking at these two things as part of the same address.

Some people very much identify with their state. New Yorkers for example. In this case, New York refers to both the city and the state. For many, that’s enough. It’s all people need to know, but others may use a micro-label as a stamped letter that uses a street address or a zipcode to be even more precise.

Which parts of your ‘address’ you tell someone greatly depends on the situation. The info you share on with someone out of the country will differ from the info you share with people in your apartment building. One doesn’t supersede the other.

While you might know where you are, other people are lost in a big city and need the exact words right down to the GPS coordinates in order to find themselves, each other, or call for specific help. This sort of location pinpointing saves lives. As valuable as that information is, plenty of people will never need to get that specific in their daily lives. Those details still exist even if they aren’t known, mentioned, or are grouped as one.

A lie I often hear is that micro-labels prohibit change, hide your “real” identity, or other assimilation type lies. I have people come to me all the time worrying about labeling wrong. They want a label, they knew what feels like them, they even recite the definition of the word, but… what if… 

And my answer is always, “and what if?” If it feels like home then that’s where you should be right now. And if for any reason it stops feeling like home, there shouldn’t be shame in “moving” to a new address. It doesn’t make your first address fake. You lived there for a time, and even if it wasn’t fully “your address” it was enough of a safe place for you to grow. Some people move often. Others don’t. There shouldn’t be any stigma in it.

In order for a soul to be free, it must have the ability to move or stay put as it desires. Be able to build a nest as intricate or as simple as they want. Labeling is no different. Even if it takes years or micro-labels to get everything just right.

When we are limited to “gay or straight” that is not freedom. Mirco-labeling says these are all the intersections I cross. It makes assimilation harder because it’s a reminder that no identity is just one thing. Society just ignores labels that are in power.

Our truths will never be nurtured if we refuse to admit a forest is made out of individual trees. On average there are around 3,700 trees in an acre, each a little different than the one next to it. In that same group, there are nearly 70 different species of trees. Why would humans be any less diverse? 

Do you need to learn every about tree or address in the phone book to be a decent person? Absolutely not. But it‘s dangerous, to others, to run out in the middle of the street bemoaning that certain words exist because you refused to stay in your lane when pulling up to an intersection.

Shelby Eileen’s Goddess of The Hunt

I was given a review copy of this book, because I wanted to be able to review in time for aro week. As you might know, I love aro ace Artemis. It’s something that shines the truest to me so if you also want more a-spec Artemis this is a great option. Just out of the gate, you might like this for that.

I’ve posted Sappho’s poem was about Artemis before, that felt divine in a way. This is from a far more personal standpoint and will connect to those struggling with their identity. It’s not a book of greeting card affirmations, it’s honest and full of things that need to be said just as much.

From a pure poetry style point of view, it’s not my favorite style, but let’s be honest, poetry so wide ranging it’s a matter of personal taste. So if you’re unsure, give it a try because you wouldn’t want to miss something wonderful. I think everyone can find a gem in here that they’ll want to carry with them after reading.

Overall, it’s a worthy addition to any a-spec or Hellenistic pagan’s bookshelf.
Be sure to check it out for yourself!

🌹’S ACE COMIC RECS

Jughead

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If you are looking for a fun, silly, read I cannot recommend Jughead (2015) more! Written by Chip Zdarsky, and Ryan North you can see Jughead be a pirate, be a spy, hang out with a burger lady.

The Wicked and Divine

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I love this series but it is not for the faint of heart. There’s a lot of death, and violence and our heroes constantly being in trouble. With that said, it’s an amazing series that has tons of diversity. The main characters are gods incarnate so if you love mythology be sure to check it out!

Moonlighters 

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Another very cute series. Currently online only, but another light fun read about a group of werewolves who solve monsters problems like locating their missing cats.

The Once And Future Queen

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I learned about this comic by quote RT-ing one of the authors with my shock that there was an asexual character and we’ve been friendly since. King Arthur is reimagined as a 21st-century multi-ethnic teen girl, and Lancelot is a black asexual. It’s lighter then Wicked and Divine, but definitely a fighting/adventure story. I’m trying to get a Volume 2 so ask your library for it if can’t afford a copy of your own!!

For a complete list of aces in comics, check out our master list!